


write a song, i'll sing along

by abellyofjelly



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Popstar, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 22:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20415499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abellyofjelly/pseuds/abellyofjelly
Summary: “I just got signed. Holy shit. I just got signed. Can you believe it?”Charlie could actually because Jake is kind of ridiculously talented, it always seemed like only a matter of time, “Fuck babe, I’m so proud of you.”And if Charlie had been able to see into the future, into the screaming fans and the 41 show North American tour that would take Jake so far from him, he would have said the same thing. He might have grabbed his hand a little tighter first though, just to remind Jake that he was there in that moment with him..Or- Jake becomes the world's biggest popstar; Charlie deals with it.





	write a song, i'll sing along

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cjmasim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/gifts).

> Okay I have a lot to say oops. (but is anyone surprised at this point?)
> 
> Written for @cjmasim because she requested a drabble for the prefix boys with the prompt "ways to say I love you: with a song" and instead of writing a drabble, I wrote almost 8k of this nonsense. I can't decide if that's like ordering a slice and getting the whole pie to take home, or asking for a water cup and being charged for a bottle. Thanks for the prompt, and I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Big thanks to Alex @blindbatalex for betaing! I have never had a fic rly betaed like this before and if you get to the end of it and think "parts of that were very coherent" that was all thanks to him. If anything seems particularly egregious, it's almost certainly because I ignored his advice or added it in post-beta.
> 
> Fic title is from Expectations by Belle and Sebastian, but the soundtrack for this fic is the song "Fall into Place" by Apartment which I listened to the entire time I was writing it, and I mean exclusively that song. That song got hundreds of plays over the course of writing this fic, and is solely responsible for the mood and tone, and I /highly/ recommend you listen to it.

Jake doesn’t carry a single suitcase out to the van loaded up with his stuff. It makes Charlie smile thinking of the juxtaposition to the last time they’d travelled together. It was just a short visit to Charlie’s family last November for American Thanksgiving (Jake and Danton would never let him get away with just saying Thanksgiving). When they’d arrived at his parents’ house, Jake had insisted on carrying in both his and Charlie’s suitcase, and then had immediately volunteered to help Charlie’s mom with whatever she was cooking, and then helped with the dishes after dinner too.

“I don’t want your family to think that I’m just some slacker,” Jake had said when they were curled together on an air mattress in the living room later that night, “I know the whole struggling musician thing doesn’t exactly make the best first impression.”

Charlie had reassured Jake that his family didn’t care what he did for a living. If making music made Jake happy, and Jake made Charlie happy, they approved. Charlie’s mom had made promises to see one of Jake’s shows the next time she was in Boston, but that was back when Jake played in any local bar that would let him have the stage.

Now, Jake is headed off for a tour around the country to play in sold out stadiums, and he’s not even carrying his own backpack. There are people milling around their apartment- Jake’s manager, Debra, and two men that Charlie doesn’t recognize grabbing everything Jake wants to take for his tour. Well, almost everything Jake wants to take.

“You could come with me,” Jake says like it’s the first time he’s asked, like it hasn’t become his mantra as of late.

“I can’t,” Charlie says, not bothering to repeat his argument that he can’t give up his whole life to travel around with Jake, that he needs to keep his own job and pay half the rent like he has since they started living together.

Jake nods once and gives Charlie a soft smile, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Charlie says and leans in for a kiss.

It lasts only a second, maybe two before Debra is yelling from the other room, telling Jake that they’re already late in heading to the airport. Jake yells that he’s coming before grabbing Charlie’s hand and squeezing it once.

“Just three months and then I’m in Boston.”

“Just three months,” Charlie repeats.

And then Jake is leaving, is gone, and their small apartment which was far too full just a minute ago is suddenly viciously empty.

.

Jake’s playing at Herschel’s again, one of his frequent spots, and Charlie, Sean, and Matt are all in their usual booth closest to the stage. Danton is supposed to be headed over as soon as he can get away from a late meeting. It’s a nice night, one Charlie’s had dozens of times- sitting in his “Jake Debrusk” t-shirt that he’d paid a local screen printing place to make 20 of last year, drinking cheap beer, and mouthing along the words to every song Jake plays, wondering if Jake will ever write one for him.

Only after Jake finishes his set does the night change into one that’ll be ingrained into Charlie’s memory until he dies. Jake goes to their booth and plops a kiss on Charlie’s cheek before stealing his beer and taking a long drink. Charlie half-heartedly protests against the thievery, but he can’t help the smile on his face from taking in Jake’s post-performance flush.

Some guy that Charlie doesn’t recognize approaches their table and asks Jake if he has a minute, “It’s about your set. I really liked it, and I wanted to talk to you about some opportunities.”

Jake leaves the tables and follows the man to Charlie doesn’t know where, and over an hour has passed before he comes back. Sean and Danton have already taken off towards their apartment because Sean has work the next morning, and it’s pretty clear that the only reason Matt is still sticking around is because Charlie isn’t that great at hiding how anxious he is, so he jets as soon as Jake’s figure comes back into the bar area.

Jake slides himself into the booth, pressed right up against Charlie like he always does, and Charlie relaxes at the ear-splitting grin on his face, the snake of nervousness in his stomach slowly uncurling as he waits for an explanation.

“I just got signed. Holy shit. I just got signed. Can you believe it?”

Charlie could actually because Jake is kind of ridiculously talented, it always seemed like only a matter of time, “Fuck babe, I’m so proud of you.”

And if Charlie had been able to see into the future, into the screaming fans and the 41 show North American tour that would take Jake so far from him, he would have said the same thing. He might have grabbed his hand a little tighter first though, just to remind Jake that he was there in that moment with him.

.

Charlie knew in a vague way that Jake being a celebrity now meant that he would be a subject in the media. He’d already had a cover for Seventeen that Charlie had proudly hung up on his cubicle wall at the ad agency. Still, a magazine coming out with your boyfriend’s smiling face on the cover with a heading like “JAKE: A SUDDEN RISE TO GLOBAL STARDOM” was different than the candid photo of him on the street with some girl Charlie didn’t recognize with a headline speculating about their relationship.

It’s a sucker punch to the gut, and Charlie gracelessly drops his groceries onto the conveyer belt, probably bruising the apple he’d picked out. He grabs the magazine to look at it closer. Jake and the girl aren’t even standing particularly close together, but they are carrying matching Starbucks cups and clearly having a conversation. Apparently, that’s all it takes for the tabloid to assume they’re well on their way to an engagement.

Charlie knows it isn’t real, knows it with the same certainty that if he texted Jake right now that he’d answer. Which, come to think of it, definitely used to be 100%, but had fallen to about 90% lately, so Charlie shoves that out of his mind. He hates the tiny inklings of doubt that have started to worm paths through his brain. He wants to focus on the positive, on how much Jake has always wanted this.

He wonders if Jake had wanted this part of it too- the constant exposure and speculation. He doesn’t think so, but he clearly hadn’t not wanted it enough to not want this whole thing in the first place. Charlie wishes he could give Jake all of his dream without any of the nightmares, but it isn’t really his call to make.

“Big Jake Debrusk fan?” the cashier asks, popping her gum because by now she’s scanned all of his items, and Charlie is holding up the line just staring at the magazine cover.

“Yeah, you could say so,” Charlie says and hands her the magazine to add to his items.

Later, he frames it as a big joke when he shows it to his friends, how ridiculous it is that Jake would be dating this random girl. The glance Sean and Matt share makes Charlie feel like maybe his laugh isn’t as convincing as he’d hoped.

“He’s definitely not,” Danton says, “He wouldn’t.”

“I know,” Charlie says because he does. 

Because it’s not that he really thinks Jake is dating that girl, it’s just that Jake absolutely could if he wanted to. He could date basically whoever, people Charlie couldn’t even begin to compete with in terms of wealth or fame or connections, and Charlie doesn’t think that Jake cares about any of that stuff, but he wishes he could give it to him anyways, that he could be everything Jake could ever want. 

He doesn’t mention the magazine to Jake when he finally gets him on the phone. Jake’s time is somewhat of a precious commodity right now, and Charlie doesn’t feel like spoiling what little he gets of it with something silly like this.

.

It’s two days after celebrating their six month anniversary when Charlie asks the question, “Do you think you’ll ever write a song for me?”

Jake is laying in bed with him, hand tracing lazy circles on Charlie’s hip bone, “Dunno. Would you want me to?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says quietly, almost breathing it out, a little self-conscious in the way he feels warm all over at the very idea of Jake singing a song that’s just for him.

“Then yeah, I’ll write a song for you,” Jake says like it’s just that easy, and Charlie kisses him because he can’t not in that moment.

Later, Jake says, “Don’t expect it too soon though. If I’m writing a song about you, it needs to be perfect.”

Charlie grins at that, pulls Jake in for another kiss because his boyfriend is a dumb romantic who is going to write him a song and wants it to be perfect. 

They don’t drop it after that, and the idea of Jake writing Charlie a song becomes almost an inside joke for them. Except inside joke isn’t quite the right the phrase because it’s not something they laugh about. Instead, it’s Jake looking at him eating breakfast, bedhead galore and saying, “that’s song material.” It’s Charlie after each of Jake’s gigs, whispering into Jake’s ear that it “would have been better if you’d had a song for me.” It’s Jake making Charlie listen to dozens and dozens of love songs with him “for research,” and it’s the way Jake quietly sings along to each of them, looking right into Charlie’s eyes the whole time.

The night before Jake leaves for his tour, Charlie tries for the old joke again, says, “Maybe you can write me that song while you’re gone.”

Except Jake doesn’t return the smile, seems to be focused on folding a shirt and absentmindedly says, “I’m probably going to be too busy to even think about writing new material.”

Charlie nods like he understands and kisses Jake’s cheek before dutifully going back to helping him pack his life up into suitcases to take far away from Boston. 

.

Before Jake leaves for his tour, he and Charlie have to sit down with Jake’s manager to “decide what to do about their relationship”. Charlie gets the distinct sense that Jake’s manager views it as an annoyance more than anything else. After a bunch of legalese and some explanations of the kind of publicity Jake is going to have now, they agree on what feels like a very mutual decision that Jake isn’t going to broadcast their relationship. It wouldn’t be a secret, necessarily, Charlie doesn’t have to pretend to drop off the face of the earth, but by the night Jake’s first single drops, his social media has been scrubbed thoroughly clean of almost everything on there, including Charlie. Charlie is actually kind of thankful for the anonymity, especially when the single drops and explodes, hitting number one so rapidly that even the label is surprised. The label takes control of all of his accounts, and now Jake and a half dozen other people all have access to them. Charlie knows Jake well enough to know that not even a quarter of the tweets are actually from him.

The traces of him and Charlie on the old accounts have been as wiped from the internet as anything can be, so it’s a bit of a surprise when posts start circulating on twitter from “sources close to Jake” that he’s in a relationship with a man. They never mention who, and try as it might, the internet doesn’t seem to be able to figure it out either. Jake calls Charlie to talk about it when he first finds out, so Charlie knows how nervous it makes him. Jake can hardly even talk about it on the phone because he’s so nervous about the reaction both from his label and the public, and there’s not anything that Charlie can say, really, because there’s nothing he can do about it. 

It’s weird though because as much as Jake is freaking out on the other side of the country, Charlie mostly goes about life as usual. The people who already knew they were dating ask him about Jake sometimes, and he’s always happy to talk about where Jake is right now in the tour or how hard he’s working. Jake keeps Charlie as updated as he can, although their FaceTimes start to spread further apart, and Jake is getting continuously worse about texting back. It’s part of the lifestyle of being a star, and Charlie takes it in stride.

They’re FaceTiming when Jake tells him excitedly, “So the label is alright with me coming out.”

“Really?” Charlie asks, half-disbelieving.

“Are you cool with that? You’ll definitely get brought up.”

“Yeah, I’m cool with it. I’m just so happy for you. I can’t believe they’re letting you do this.”

“Yeah, in fact, they actually really want to play up the whole bisexual angle.”

Charlie is so happy for Jake that he ignores the part of his brain that worries the bisexual focus might just be a way to distract from the fact that Jake likes boys at all. It takes a while before he realizes that “playing up the bisexual angle” is not actually about downplaying the fact that Jake is in a relationship with a guy. Instead, it’s about downplaying the fact that Jake is in a relationship at all.

Every interview that touches on Jake’s sexuality seems to focus on his ability to date anyone. He’s asked about which male and female celebrities he thinks are attractive, about whether or not he looks for different things in a relationship with guys versus girls, lots of things about his dream dates and even dream honeymoons with an imagined partner. One interviewer goes so far as to try to goad Jake into playing FMK about other singers live on air which Jake refused to partake in. Jake hasn’t mentioned or been asked about his boyfriend a single time.

“It’s nice that they’re trying,” Danton offers when Sean brings up that particular interview.

Matt snorts, “Trying what? To prove that he’s available to date whoever? That he’s just a commodity for romantic attraction? It’s clear that they just want to make every single person on the planet think they have a shot to get into Jake’s pants.”

Charlie doesn’t respond, doesn’t want to, barely even hears it when Sean says, “Jeez man, lay off.”

“What? It’s the truth,” Matt says.

Sean grumbles at Matt, and Danton nudges Charlie’s leg comfortingly, but Charlie still gets up and goes back to his apartment pretty quick after that, whatever good might have been able to come out of the night pretty much defeated. He can’t stop thinking about it though, stays up for hours replaying in his mind all the times Jake had failed to bring him up.

.

Get togethers with Sean, Danton, and Matt become a thing incredibly early into their relationship. One night a couple months after they start dating when they’d all gone across town to hear Jake play at some bar that could barely fit 50 people in total, Jake asks Charlie, “Did you and Matt ever…?”

Charlie laughs, “Hook up? No, of course not. We’ve always just been friends.”

Jake nods, “I was just wondering because you’ve known each other for so long now,” he pauses for a second and chews on his bottom lip, “Did you ever want to?”

Charlie hesitates and feels an instinct to lie that he shoves down, saying instead, “I mean, yeah when I first met him. He was the cool senior that always took me seriously. But I never did anything about it, and that was years ago now. We’re just best friends.”

“You don’t have to convince me. I’m not trying to accuse you of anything,” Jake says, “I was just wondering.”

“I mean I don’t mind talking about it. It just seems like so long ago now that I can’t even start to think of him that way. 

Jake smiles, and Charlie thinks the conversation is over. But it’s one of those things that comes up every once in a while- almost never, but just often enough that Charlie knows Jake has kept it somewhere in the back of his mind. If Matt gets Charlie a beer from the bar, Jake will get him the next two. If Matt takes Charlie to a Bruins game, Jake burns chicken for them to eat the next day at home. Charlie never feels like Jake doesn’t trust him, just that Jake is a little more aware of Matt than necessary.

Charlie is munching on his favorite candy, the sour spaghetti that you have to go to the corner store a few blocks over to find, a spontaneous treat from Jake following a text from Matt that he’d managed to get their whole group tickets to an upcoming concert.

“What’s your deal with Matt?”

Jake freezes then pulls his hand back from where he’d been reaching for a piece of spaghetti, “I don’t have a deal with Matt.” 

Charlie takes another bite of candy, “Yes you do. Every time he does something nice for me, you immediately try to do something too.”

Jake closes his eyes for a moment then lets out a breath, “It’s not- I’m not jealous of him, it’s just that he’s so nice all the time. It seems to be so easy for him. He’s always doing nice stuff for you and for Sean and Danton too, and even for me, and it’s- I just want to be like that, I guess. So when he does something nice, it reminds me that I should be doing nice stuff too.”

Charlie sets down the candy bag to grab Jake’s hand, “Jake. Babe. You are nice. I think so and so do our friends. You do nice things for us all the time, and not just when you’re worried about competing with Matt.”

“Okay. You’ll let me know though, right? If I ever stop appreciating you enough?”

  
It’s another one of those times that Charlies has to kiss him before he can even agree, but he does agree eventually that he’ll tell Jake if he ever feels unappreciated. After that, Jake stops following up all of Matt’s kind actions with one of his own, although Charlie thinks that sometimes it’s a bit of a concerted effort on Jake’s part. By the time Jake leaves for his tour though, it’s been a non-issue for months.

.

Jake has missed the last two FaceTime dates they’d planned, and the second one he hadn’t even texted first. Charlie had called him three times and ended up falling asleep with his phone in his hand waiting for Jake to call back. Jake had apologized profusely via text the next morning and explained that his bassist Anders and him had accidentally gotten lost after having to hurriedly leave a bar where Jake was recognized, and the two of them had gotten back to their hotel way later than planned. Charlie had texted back that he understood with a few heart emojis even though he hadn’t really understood why Jake couldn’t have at least texted that he was busy.

Any resentment Charlie feels about the situation melts away when Jake’s face pops up full size on his phone screen, Jake’s big smile threatening to push out of the frame.

“Hey stranger,” Jake says, and it’s a joke, but it stings a bit in a way Charlie doesn’t quite know if he’d be able to explain.

“Hey,” Charlie responds and then, “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Jake says before launching into a story about what he’d seen that day.

Charlie listens as Jake updates him on the last week of his tour, and it’s exciting to hear about the people he’s meeting, the memories he’s making with Anders and the rest of the people in his band, the places he’d only before seen in movies.

“Still wish you were here though,” Jake says, “I miss you.”

“Miss you too,” Charlie says, and then because he might not be a relationship expert, but he’d promised Jake that he’d tell him if he ever felt unappreciated, and he didn’t plan on breaking his promises to Jake ever, he continues, “I’m definitely making too much of this, but I think I should tell you anyways because it’s been on my mind a lot, and it’s just- it’s weird right, how I never get brought up in interviews?”

Jake raises an eyebrow, “I hadn’t really noticed to be honest.”

Charlie scratches at the back of his neck, “Well the guys were saying some stuff about it too, so it’s not just me.”

“What were they saying?”

“Matt just said something about how it seems like they’re trying to market you as like, available or something. Dunno. It’s stupid.”   
  


Jake flips his position around on the bed, so he’s laying on his stomach now, “They’re not trying to do that. I’m definitely not trying to do that. I love you, babe. I’m sorry it’s been bugging you, but don’t forget that Matt can be kind of a pessimist.”

That’s not really true, and Charlies bites down around the urge to defend Matt because as much as he wants to protest on his best friend’s behalf, he really doesn’t want to have a fight with Jake about Matt right now, “Yeah okay. Sorry for getting worked up.”

“No, don’t be sorry. It’s to be expected I guess, for stuff like this to happen because this is the longest we’ve ever been apart. But I’m in Boston at the end of next month, and we’ll have a whole weekend together, and it’ll feel a lot better. I’ll bring you up in my next interview though. I’ll tell them to ask beforehand.”

Charlie smiles at that, and they talk about their plans for the two days they’ll have together in Boston. They have far too many ideas for what will fit within the timeframe, but it settles something in Charlie’s chest to know how much Jake is looking forward to seeing him. When they hang up, they have a plan for another FaceTime date, and Jake promises to keep this one, but that’s something Charlie knows he can’t really expect.

Jake texts him a few days later after he’s on some morning talk show based out of Chicago that Charlie has never even heard of to tell him that he talked about him. Charlie has slowly been losing hold of his ability to keep up with every bit of media featuring Jake, but he can find the youtube clip easily enough. He pulls it up on his laptop while he eats easy-mac on the couch after work. 

“Jake, you’ve said before that you believe a person’s taste in music is a great indicator of who they are. So we have to ask, what kind of music does your boyfriend like?”   
  


Jake smiles, and Charlie finds himself mirroring it as he watches Jake pause for a moment. Jake had told him that taking a moment before answering a question had been the number one rule in his media training. It was to make sure Jake knew exactly what he was going to say before he said it, so each one of his answers would be thoughtful and intentional.

“Charlie is really into Springsteen and Journey and stuff like that. Basically like, whatever music you think only dads listen to, that’s what Charlie likes.”

The host laughs at that, and Jake does too, and Charlie feels the smile slip off of his face. It’s true, of course, and Jake’s teased him about his music taste a hundred times before, but this is different. It’s one thing when they’re laying curled up on the couch together just the two of them, Jake giving him a soft smile as he says it before Charlie teases him right back about that time when Jake listened to absolutely nothing but 9 to 5 by Dolly Parton for a solid week. It’s a whole other thing when Jake is saying it on a show that’ll be watched by millions of people who will all get to hear how lame Jake thinks his boyfriend is.

Charlie can’t really hear the interviewer’s next question over the ringing in his ears, and he feels the heat in his cheeks and pressure behind his eyes that lets him know he’s about cry. He feels dumb. It’s dumb to get this upset. Charlie closes his laptop as Jake is in the middle of saying a word and leans back into the cushion. He shuts his eyes and manages a shaky breath, then another and another until the feeling passes enough for him to focus on something other than breathing.

He sends Jake a text back saying, “You were great babe, thanks,” and he doesn’t wait for the reply he knows probably won’t come.

.

It’s a Friday night, and Jake hasn’t had a show in two days because of the travel distance from the south of Mexico back to the States, but he still hasn’t texted Charlie since Monday. Charlie knows Jake’s busy, knows it from his snapchat stories and from the photos Anders posts on Instagram.

“How many times have you tried to text him?” Sean asks.

“Four times.”

Danton is the one closest to Jake besides Charlie, and he’s remained Jake’s biggest advocate throughout the entire tour, “You know Jake. He gets distracted easily and then it just slips his mind. I’m sure you just caught him at a bad time, and then he forgot. He loves you, Charlie.”

Charlie nods, “I just- I feel bad because I don’t want to take away from this experience for him, but fuck I really miss him.”   
  


Matt’s been quiet the whole conversation. It’s become his default when they talk about Jake lately. Charlie knows Matt has that whole big brother thing towards him that means even though Matt loves Jake too, he’s always going to be in Charlie’s corner trying to watch out for him. So, Matt remains quiet, and they all let him because they know with enough prodding, Matt would speak his mind in a way that would only result in them all feeling guilty.

“Another round?” is all Matt says when he finally speaks, and then he says it over and over and over again, getting them all well past smashed in the way they only ever get when the Pats win the Super Bowl.

Well, getting Sean and Charlie well past smashed. Danton has a weirdly high tolerance that he always attributes to being Canadian, but Charlie is pretty sure that’s bullshit because Jake gets tipsy after two beers. Matt had cut himself off fairly early on, saying someone had to be responsible enough to make sure they didn’t get kicked out of the bar if Sean and Charlie got into another fight about the results of a ping pong match that’d happened last fall (Sean had totally hit a ball after a double bounce).

When they finally stumble out of the bar, Charlie stares at the arm Danton has wrapped around Sean’s waist. He’s so jealous for a second that he loses focus on his balance, and his face definitely would have met concrete if Matt hadn’t grabbed his arm.

“I miss Jake,” Charlie says.

“I know,” Matt says, “Let’s get you home.”

Charlie ends up having to give his key to Matt to open the door because his hands can’t still enough to slide it into the lock. When Matt manages it open, Charlie makes a beeline directly to the couch.

“No, c’mon Charlie, you need your bed, not the couch,” Matt says, prodding at him when Charlie’s phone rings.

“Jakee!” he answers excitedly as the FaceTime video loads.

“Hey babe,” Jake says, “Why are you on the couch? It’s late.”

“Maybe you can convince him he needs his bed,” Matt says, coming into the frame as he tries to lift Charlie up which he could maybe do if Charlie didn’t have forty pounds on him.

“Matt?” Jake says, “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, you’ve been pretty busy not texting your boyfriend and talking shit about his music taste on national television, I guess.”

Jake’s mouth falls open a bit, and Charlie whines, “Matt, don’t be mean,” before turning his attention back to Jake, “I miss you.”

“I miss you too babe, fuck I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

Matt wrangles Charlie’s phone from his hand despite Charlie’s loud protests, “Jake, man, I love you, and we’re all so happy for you, Charlie more than anyone. But you really need to wait to have this conversation with him until he can remember it. And you need to start trying harder.”

Jake says something that sounds like okay, and Matt hangs up the call.

“Hate you,” Charlie mumbles, curling further into himself on the couch and turning his face away from Matt.

“No you don’t,” Matt says, “He’ll call again soon, I promise. Now c’mon, bed. I need to get back to my place too, y’know.”

Charlie reluctantly goes to his bed, sliding off only his shoes and jeans before getting under the covers. Matt is gone as soon as Charlie takes an Advil, and Charlie spends the last few seconds he has awake wishing Jake was in bed with him.

.

Charlie doesn’t really remember the details of the night before. All he knows is that he woke up with a massive hangover rand a 2 minute FaceTime in his call history that he doesn’t remember having. He pushes Matt for details, but Matt steadfastly refuses to talk about it. Jake has a concert in Houston that night, so he doesn’t even bother trying to text him. He spends the day on the couch watching whatever cocktail of crime show reruns USA is playing. He makes easy mac for dinner again, but he also makes a bag salad because Sean had chirped him for never eating vegetables, and he’s trying to prove a point. 

He isn’t expecting the call he gets at near 1am as he’s brushing his teeth and preparing to crawl into bed. He doesn’t even think to wait to answer it, so as Jake’s face comes into view, Charlie becomes acutely aware of the toothpaste blob on the corner of his mouth, and the way his hair looks like he’d spent the day laying on the couch. He wipes at the blob with the back of his hand, and tries to run an unhelpful hand through his hair.

“Hey,” Jake says, and it looks like he’s in his hotel room in bed, and he looks unfairly gorgeous- his skin clear and eyebrows shaped and his hair still done from the concert.

“Hey,” Charlie says, “Miss you.”

“Miss you too, babe. We need to talk.”

Charlie thinks he might collapse, thinks his legs might give out from under him because this is what he’d been bracing himself for all along, “Okay, just uh. I’m going to get into bed first.”

“Sure yeah, whatever you need to do,” Jake says, shifting around in bed as Charlie goes to crawl into his bed that used to be their bed, but it’s hard to call it their bed when Jake hasn’t slept there in so long.

“So,” Charlie says.

“I called last night, do you remember?” Jake asks.

“Not really.”

“Well, I called and you were smashed out of your mind, and Matt was there and-”

All of a sudden Charlie knows where this is going, knows why Matt wouldn’t tell him about what happened, so he interrupts Jake, “Oh fuck you.”

Jake reels back, “What?”

“Fuck you,” Charlie repeats, and it’s like every ounce of insecurity stored in his body is being replaced by white hot anger, “How dare you even fucking imply that? I would never cheat on you, and you fucking know that. I thought we were past this.”

“I didn’t say you were cheating on me,” Jake protests.

“Oh no no, it’s all ‘I think we need to talk’ and your concern about Matt again, and I’m not the one plastered on the front of magazines with random women. I’m not the one who never even mentions the fact that he’s in a relationship until I beg you to.”

Hurt blooms across Jake’s face, and when he speaks it’s calm and a bit pained, “How long have you been holding that in, Charlie?”

“Dunno,” Charlie says, “A while.” 

“I’ve really fucked things up,” Jake says, and his face screws up like he’s going to cry.

Charlie sits, anger evaporating from him just as quickly as it’d come until he’s just sitting there, loving Jake, but missing him more than he loves him. He wants to comfort Jake; he wants to apologize. But he also wants Jake to comfort him; he wants him to apologize.

Jake takes a deep breath, then another and another, and Charlie can see the effort in Jake’s face to hold it together. Jake is an easy going guy, but Charlie has seen him break down before, and if they were together, fight be damned, he’d wrap his arm around him and pull him in close to help out, but they’re not together, and that’s kind of the whole issue. 

Finally Jake says, “I wasn’t accusing you of cheating on me with Matt. I was going to say that Matt said some stuff to me last night that made it seem like you were upset with me. I was going to ask you about it, but-”

Jake cuts himself off, and the part where he says that he doesn’t have to ask anymore is unnecessary because the truth of it all is resting on both their shoulders and hanging in the air between them. Charlie isn’t sure which one of them starts first, but he feels a tear roll gently down his cheek at the same time he sees Jake crack. It’s a wide, open-mouthed sob from Jake that sounds like it’s going to wreak havoc on his multi-million dollar voice tomorrow.

“I want to come home,” Jake says, his voice so impossibly small in contrast to the sound of him crying.

“You can’t,” Charlie says, “Not yet.”

Jake nods but doesn’t say anything, and then he uses the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe his face. It’s still splotchy and red, but Jake’s stopped crying, so only a few stubborn tears on his face still shine on Charlie’s phone screen.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie says.

“I’m sorry too.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” Charlie says, “but I don’t want to keep you and spend all my time feeling like I’m grasping at straws either. I can’t do it.”

“I don’t want you to feel like that,” Jake says, “I don’t know- fuck babe, I don’t know what I’m fucking doing anymore. I barely have time to eat or think or breathe without someone telling me where to go or what to say, and I’ve missed you so fucking bad, but I don’t know what to do about it.”

It’s late, and Charlie is tired, and Jake looks tired too, and there is just the smallest part of Charlie that wants to say fuck it and go to sleep. But that part is so small, and Charlie might be a lot of things, but he’s not someone who gives up when things get hard.

“Let’s figure it out,” Charlie says.

Jake nods and tells him he loves him and Charlie says it back and it’s the beginning of a conversation that is months overdue.

.

It’s a process after that.

The texting is the only thing that gets better immediately. Jake starts texting Charlie everyday. It’s normally just a handful of texts, and sometimes it’s just a “going to be really busy, love you” and nothing else, but it lets Charlie know that Jake is thinking of him at least. He isn’t even really sure if he knew how much he’d been questioning his place in Jake’s life until he stops doing it so much. Jake still misses FaceTimes occasionally, but he always texts first. And he actually asks Charlie about his day when they do get a chance to talk. 

Jake brings him up in interviews unprompted, talking about how he loves Charlie’s smile and the way they ate pizza on their first date, and other things that make Charlie blush at the attention. It’s still an adjustment because Charlie gets a thousand follow requests a day on Instagram now, and if he isn’t careful there are a countless number of tweets available about how Jake deserves better, or people trying to get in touch with his fucking family to get information about Jake. It’s - a lot. But it feels like something he signed up for now. It’s not like it’s suddenly easy to have Jake so far away and so busy, but it’s clear that Jake’s changed his approach, and that alone makes Charlie a bit more numb to the ache.

In turn, Charlie tries to send Jake photos of the apartment, of when they go to get drinks together, of every part of his life because Jake says it makes him feel like he still has somewhere to come home to when he’s done- which is going to be sooner rather than later. Jake has to argue with his label and threaten to get even more lawyers involved until they finally agree to postpone the European leg of his tour for six months because he needs to take time off. At the end of July, he’ll play in Boston and then he has two more weeks on the road, and then he’s home until February. 

“This is everything I’ve ever wanted,” Jake says when he does an announcement to the fans, “but I can’t do it nonstop. And I’m feeling better knowing I have this time ahead of me. I’m writing music again, and I can’t wait to get a new album out to you guys.”

The promise of a new album placates and distracts the fans, although Charlie really couldn’t give a fuck about what any of them or the media say about Jake anymore. Because Jake is happier, and Charlie feels guilty for not noticing how close Jake had been to the brink before. He’s not going to ever let it get that bad again for either of them. 

.

It’s the first December since they moved in together, and the heat in their apartment is broken. Their landlord is taking his time to fix it, so Jake and Charlie have spent as much of the day as possible cuddled up in bed together under every blanket they could find. Sean and Danton have offered them their couch if it isn’t fixed by night time, but until then they’re waiting it out.

Charlie doesn’t mind as much as he probably should because he likes the way Jake holds him closer each time he shivers. Maybe only a quarter of his shivers have been real since he figured that out. Plus, they’re not watching TV or on their phones or anything else, they’re just- enjoying each other. Charlie thinks he might have heard more about growing up in Edmonton today from Jake than he has in the entire rest of their relationship.

Jake is talking about a fight during a hockey game he played in for his school team when Charlie has a particularly grand shiver, and this one is really involuntary.

Jake grabs him closer, but stops his story too and says, “One day, I’m going to have enough money to buy us a nice big house where we never have to worry about this kind of thing. Trust me, babe, I promise.”

It’s the first time Jake’s ever mentioned something that long term, and Charlie feels as warm as he’s felt all day.

“I trust you,” he says back.

.

The concert in Boston is getting closer and closer until one day it’s the day of the show, and Matt is driving him and Sean and Danton to TD Garden. The show isn’t until seven, but Jake gave their pictures to security, and they’re all let in when they arrive hours before the doors open. A harried looking employee guides them to Jake’s dressing room, warning them that he’s out on stage with the band doing sound checks.

Sean places a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, probably to try to stop the way that Charlie’s entire body is shaking. When the door finally opens and Jake walks in, Charlie’s up in an instant to meet him. He barrels into Jake, grabbing him in his arms and tucking his head into the groove where Jake’s shoulder meets his neck.

“I miss you,” he says even though it doesn’t make any sense because it’s become his automatic response to seeing Jake.

“Don’t have to right now,” Jake says softly just for Charlie to hear.

They let go after a second, and Jake wraps his left hand around Charlie’s wrist, tugging him along and not letting go as he pulls Sean, Danton, and Matt each in for a hug in turn.

“It’s good to see you guys. Good to be back in Boston.”

“You’re playing in the fucking Garden,” Sean says, and something about it sets them all off laughing because they’ve seen Jake play shows dozens and dozens of times, but now he’s playing in fucking TD Garden, and it almost can’t even be real.

They spend an hour in Jake’s dressing room with Jake’s side pressed against Charlie on the couch, and Charlie’s arm tucked around his shoulders. Jake had apparently specially asked for sour spaghetti in his dressing room for the night just for Charlie, but Danton eats more of it than Charlie does because it’s hard for Charlie to do much more than bask. They all chat and shoot the shit, and even though a lot has changed in the last few months, this part feels like settling back into the same old. Jake can go all over everywhere, but he’s never not going to fit right into Charlie’s arm while he chirps Sean to finally put a ring on Danton’s finger.

Anders wanders in at some point and tells them he’s heard a lot about them. Charlie likes him immediately, and Charlie likes everything right now, but he’s pretty sure he’d still like Anders regardless of his current euphoria. Too soon, someone is quite literally pulling Jake away for hair and makeup, and Jake is giving Charlie a quick kiss goodbye.

“I’ll see you after the show, okay? I told them I didn’t need a hotel room for the night.”

“Not too good for our tiny little one bedroom apartment then, Mr. Popstar?”

“Never,” Jake says, fierce in a way that he never is, and Charlie watches Jake glance back at him twice while going down the hallway.

.

Their seats for the concert are in the first row directly to the right of the stage. Jake plays his first song, and Charlie screams along the words, amazed as thousands of other people in the audience scream along with him. People have filmed Jake’s concerts in their entirety and posted them online, and Charlie had watched a handful of them early into the tour, so he knows Jake follows the usual script exactly until after his sixth song.

“As a lot of you know, I grew up in Edmonton, and I’m proud of my hometown. But for the past few years, Boston has been home for me,” Jake says, and the crowd screams their approval, “I love this city, and I love the people in it, and one person especially.”

Jake’s eyes move to focus right on where Charlie is sitting, “My boyfriend is here tonight,” he pauses while there are more screams, “And the cover I’m about to sing goes out to him because this band is one of his favorites, and I love how much he loves them.”

Charlie recognizes the song from the first few notes, and at least some of the rest of the crowd does too if the screams are anything to go by.

“Highway run into the midnight sun,” Jake starts and it’s too much suddenly, causing Charlie’s brain to shut down for a solid thirty seconds.

Jake’s singing Journey for him, he’s singing  _ Faithfully _ for him, and Charlie can only really start processing again as Jake sings the line, “And loving a music man ain’t always what it’s supposed to be.”

It’s too fitting in a way that shows Jake had put time into choosing this song. The lyrics are cheesy, and Jake has chirped him for liking classic rock a thousand times, but he’s singing it for him anyways. Charlie can’t look away from Jake and the way he works the crowd while he sings. Jake’s fucking mesmerizing, and it’s clear that on stage like this is exactly where he belongs. Charlie’s always known that in a way, but to actually see him is overwhelming. 

Jake finishes the song and takes a drink from the water bottle he has on stage, “Okay, thank you guys for indulging me. Don’t worry, I won’t bust out the Springsteen until next time I’m in town. But I do have one more song I want to sing for you guys that no other crowd has heard. In fact, no one’s ever heard this song before except this band up here with me and the other people working on this tour.”

Jake crosses the stage until he’s just a few yards from where Charlie is and looks right at him, “I finally wrote you that song. And it’s not perfect, but neither am I. I promise though, I’ll keep trying to be as long as you’ll let me.”

The crowd is losing their minds screaming, and Jake has to pause for a minute before he continues.

“Charlie, I’m going to sing this song hundreds of times for sold out crowds of thousands of people, but every time it’ll be just for you. Okay?”

Charlie nods and says an okay that he knows Jake can’t hear but will hopefully be able to see. Jake gives him a brilliant smile before turning back to face his band and signaling them. When the opening chords begin, Charlie’s pretty sure he’s never heard a better sound in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! If you did, please drop a comment below because they make me indescribably happy! 
> 
> While writing this fic, I came up with several different "after the fic" scenes which I will now describe in a not so brief way, so prepare for this note to be LONG! Feel free to skip right by!
> 
> 1\. Charlie likes Springsteen because I like Springsteen. Charlie likes Journey because Faithfully came on the radio while I was driving one day, and I thought it fit a little too perfectly. What does Jake's song for Charlie sound like? No clue. 
> 
> 2\. On the subject of Springsteen- Charlie's favorite song of all time is The Promised Land by Bruce Springsteen. At least until Jake does a cover of it for some radio show, and Charlie has to listen to it at least once a day for the rest of their lives because he loves it so much. Jake also gets to play a show at the Stone Pony as a Springsteen tribute and he brings Charlie along, and Bruce shows up. Charlie almost dies. ((this part is thanks to all y'all that talk about the Stone Pony a lot because of Your Wild Years because my dumb brain has listened to that song dozens of times and still can only connect the Stone Pony to Bruce so I always get confused for like 15 seconds when I see it)).
> 
> 3\. Charlie and Jake get married and Matt is Charlie's best man and Anders is Jake's. They hook up at the wedding and then there's like a long drawn out process of them getting together that I have thought about extensively, but don't have the energy to get right. They get married eventually, and Charlie and Jake give a joint toast at the wedding talking about how they are to thank for their whole marriage.
> 
> 4\. Speaking of weddings, during the timeline of this fic Sean and Danton both have rings for each other, but they're both individually "waiting for the right time to ask" so every time the group teases them to lock the other down, they just laugh awkwardly. Eventually though, after Jake comes home, they push Sean too far one night while they're at a bar together, and he pulls the ring box out of his coat pocket and slams it down on the table in protest. They all sit there shocked for a moment until Danton pulls a ring out of his coat too, and then they're engaged. Matt is Sean's best man and Jake is Danton's, and Charlie pouts until they make him an "honorary best man" because he feels left out.
> 
> 5\. Jake gets to play at the Stanley Cup Finals one year while the Bruins are in it, and he takes Charlie with him to the game after. He wears the "Tuukka hat" and they win, so he keeps wearing it and then they win the cup, and he writes a song about them winning that gets way overplayed everywhere and on every radio station in Boston.
> 
> Okay I think I'm finally shutting up! Please leave a comment below, and thanks so much for reading!


End file.
